Funny quote: If we are not meant to eat at midnight, why is ...

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Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I finally figured out adulting. Just kidding, I burnt my toast again.

My bed and I have a special relationship. We are perfect for each other.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most never use it.

I don't need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new look every morning.