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More funny quotes
I finally figured out adulting. Just kidding, I burnt my toast again.
My bed and I have a special relationship. We are perfect for each other.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most never use it.
I don't need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new look every morning.
Behind every great person is a substantial amount of coffee.